If you spend any amount of time on the internet, you know that internet trolls exist. I have no idea what kind of pleasure they get from insulting or belittling people while hiding behind their computer screen, but the fact is, they’re out there. And they’re jerks.
But that’s just who they are, and the only real thing we can do to fight them is to love them. And, y’all, that is SO hard. I will admit that I have enjoyed “poking the bear” when people post rude comments on something of mine that was shared on another site or via social media. I mean, I just assume that since I sh!t rainbows and sunshine, that everyone else does too and that we can all just relax our sphincters and have a jolly good laugh. But that’s so wrong. Some people get legitimately heated over internet comments.
We’ve all heard stories about youngsters committing suicide over cyber-bullying and I think we can all agree that it is such a shame. Words can pierce like swords and we all have a responsibility to not be total a-holes, not just on the internet, but in life in general. On the flip side, haters are gonna hate, that’s what they do, you just gotta keep on bein’ you. Love yourself, love your neighbor and don’t be a troll.
With all that being said, I thought it would be fun to post some of my worst comments here for some giggles. Please know that I am not posting these to get sympathy. I think laughing it off is very important and as much as this is for you to get a chuckle out of, it’s also to help me take the wind right outta their sails. And feel free to analyze the fact that I keep these screen shots in a folder on my desktop. These comments do affect me, I’m human, but they also fuel me. Here we go.
This is one is pretty mild. I got this via Facebook message from someone who reps a well known paper goods line at Jo-Ann.
I responded back with something along the lines of “You’ve never sharted yourself?!” and I don’t think I heard back.
This one was on a post shared by Apartment Therapy. It’s understandable that people don’t think it’s funny. Actually, no it’s not. It’s funny.
I’m not sure what “being a grown woman” has to do with anything. In fact, I’m certain that age and the likelihood of sharting are directly related. Just ask the adult-diaper companies.
Here’s another from Canada…
…and another from the trolls over at Apartment Therapy. If you’re a blogger and you submit content to AT, you know they can brutal over there.
And then there was that time that HouseBeautiful shared my kitchen reno on their blog and Facebook page.
This wonderful man clearly hates my Cesca Chair makeover shared by the lovely people over at Hometalk…
And then there was the “hideous handrail” fiasco on Hometalk when they shared our home reno from our Texas house. A little backstory here – There was a handrail out front, it was ugly, so I kicked it down and jokingly added “Sorry old folks”. The back entrance of our house was level and that was where our older relatives entered the home anyway. Although I stated that fact several times in the Hometalk post and the Facebook post , we all know that internet trolls can’t actually read, so they continued to post nasty comments.
Uhm, of course I’ve excluded a large number of people from getting into my home. Why would want a large number of people in my home?!
This person clearly knows me personally…
But a couple of hilarious high school friends came to the rescue with some comic relief…
This guy obviously has a vivid imagination….
When people project that kind of bullsh on to someone else… you can only laugh.
This woman had a kind reminder for me…
I will be there one day. And I will STILL be laughing at poop jokes and kicking down hideous handrails.
And, dudes, this one confuses the heck outta me….
Your chickens will lay organic eggs? Because you’re better than me? Because I inject my imaginary chickens with hormones? Because you’re off your rocker?!
I have to admit, these last two make my heart race a little bit.
A little more adversity? Remind me, have we met?! Do you know what I’ve been through in my life?!
No. All the more reason to laugh at your ridiculous comment.
This one was deleted by the admin of Hometalk but not before I copied and pasted it into a text to a friend:
Having lost my mother, this comment is understandably hurtful. But I am confident that both of my parents and everyone else in my family and all those important in my life do love me and are proud of me – even if that were not the case, I am proud of me. I’m also pretty confident that that handrail was hideous and it’s my house to do with as I please.
I know my worth and I am proud of myself, feel free to say what you want. We live in a country where free speech is a right and we have God-given free will. But please, please remember that not everyone thinks these people are ridiculous trolls worthy of laughter. Some people put real stock in what others think of them and these comments can truly hurt those who aren’t at their best.
I will continue to update this page as the internet trolls will undoubtedly come out again to throw their feces at my projects while attacking my character.
Let’s laugh it off together.
Y’all. Love yourself. Love your neighbor.
And don’t be a d!ck.
*** UPDATE 1/10/2016 ***
I’m a monster. An arrogant, stupid woman with an ugly heart. Forget that I spend a good amount of my time volunteering. I’m a dang monster.
I recently posted about a campaign dresser I picked up. The post begins by stating that this is a “fish tale”. Clearly no one goes fishing anymore unless it’s on an app on their phone, so no one understood that this story was an extreme exaggeration of what actually happened. There was a garage sale, a loooong dirt road, a sign, a child, a man and, of course, a dresser. Other than those facts, the rest is completely over-the-top embellished (see “fish tale”) to emphasize the fact that this entire thing was, as titled, a nightmare. The long dirt road seemingly leading to nowhere, the trouble getting the piece in and out of the car, the actual work on the project and patching allllll those holes. It was a pain, and this was my attempt to express this to my readers in a creative way rather than by just saying “this was a pain.” But Hometalk and Facebook readers obviously thought that I was a monster. A giggle monster, maybe.
On with the comments:
Aside from the fact that I already said it was highly exaggerated, of course I gave him less than it was worth. That’s what you call a deal. What was I supposed to say “Oh no, sir… Each one of these pulls is worth at least 30 bucks each on Etsy and for 12 with the additional L-brackets and the actual furniture… lemme give you $400 bucks.” This is why people shop at thrift stores and garage sales.
So, what you’re saying is that you prefer I talk about this in private? How about we talk about how no one is talking about how scary The Shining is. Those twins, the redrum finger. That redrum voice! Why is Stephen King not in trouble for this? I’m not ashamed of myself because it was an exaggeration, which was clearly stated as well as so extremely overblown that I figured no one would actually think that either a) I was about to be murdered by a child or b) that John Quinones was going to jump out from behind a dang washing machine. The facts is, I was uncomfortable picking up a piece of furniture without my husband in tow, from a man who could have clearly overpowered me had he wanted to. Any woman who doesn’t have concerns like that when purchasing from a stranger needs a good dose of, well… horror movies (don’t hide in the closet, he WILL find you – also, don’t go swimming and don’t get on that boat). This is why certain blogs have a certain audience, people who “get it” and follow along and know that I would and have given up my own money/items or whatever to help a child in need. So, thanks. You know what I do have the grace for? Forgiving that you judged me based on a fish tale. Ehthankyou.
It’s black. Black as coal. Hold on, are medium children still fair game? Also, child labor laws.
If you didn’t care about the makeover, you should have kept scrolling rather than join the mob on this one. Don’t like it? Don’t look at it.
ps. Have you seen The Shining? Children of the Corn?
I’m so rude that I didn’t even respond to these hateful comments about some things said in jest. Again, they’re not my audience and clearly doing furniture makeovers is very, very serious business.
I’ve read it several times and the only thing I realize is that it’s funny when you take it for what it is. I’m still amazed that these people seem to think that I don’t see these posts…. Or maybe they do, I guess they don’t care. Out of all the hateful comments, only ONE person had the cacahuates to comment here on the blog, which I approved and responded to. Even after I deleted the ridiculous details of the story from the HT site, people still were coming to the blog to read the post and then go back to Facebook to join in on the mob-hatefulness. Say it to me. Say it TO ME. Better yet, keep it to yourself. Even better, change your attitude and remind yourself that you do not know me.
You could argue that I should be doing the same and addressing these people in the forum on which they commented, but I refuse to fuel their fire. Again, I’ve gotta shake it off, not let them win and realize that people don’t always “get it” and that maybe I need to work on my delivery and creative writing skills. Why would I even have a blog if all I was going to do was say
This comment was posted on Facebook on my post about how to remove rust from chrome using tin foil.
Okay, this one, I like. I have a vivid imagination and just thinking about the word “blathering” is hilarious to me. Like, a giant tongue and lots of spit being spilled out of a mouth at an extremely slow place with words that don’t even make sense. Maybe bits of spinach flying around. Also, daft. Adding that to my vocab asap. Big props to the 19th century and this guy’s new thesaurus. Also, I didn’t crop out any part of this comment… it just trails off like that. What? Soak your brain with what? A gallon of mead?
So, I could have faced these recent events with a slew of comments meticulously detailing each of the ways I am charitable and how I spend my free time and money, but that’s wrong and wouldn’t accomplish anything. The best I can do is to squash it. Squash it with humor, let it roll right off and know in my heart that I am a good person. God knows the truth. God knows I try to love even the jerkiest of jerks.
My new years resolution for 2016 is to love. Each week I plan on randomly selecting one person from my FB friend list and sending some love their way. I will also select another to send a hand written note. Hoping that this will send out some love ripples and maybe we can all love on each other a little more. I made this resolution in December, prior to this beat-down of a life-suck, but this made it clear that we are all in such dire need of a good, long laugh and a strong hug together, that its unreal. It’s only week one but I’m already enjoying the reactions I’ve gotten from the recipients. If you need a resolution, steal this one. #LoveRipples2016 Put ’em out there, bro.
Also, don’t hug me. It weirds me out to press my boobs against another person that isn’t my husband. Butt out, long armed hugs are cool, though.