I’m surprised every time I meet someone who has never heard the word shart. Explaining it is almost always awkward, which is awesome because I love awkward. I usually say something like “it’s gas with mass” or I whisper “it’s a little poo accident when tooting” and sometimes I just yell loudly, “ya know, it’s when you fart but accidentally sh!t yourself”.
So, imagine my surprise when I explained “sharting” to someone and, without hesitation, they said, “Oh yeah, I sharted myself once.”
Dude. You must tell me this story.
Heeeere ya go:
“I sharted myself once at a baseball game when I was 13. I was up to bat, my pants were white and wasn’t too sure what the damage was. I mean, I was positive I had sharted. It hit an infield grounder and slid into first to hide any poo stains. I think I told someone later that I had worms from eating raw dough. “
Have you heard the line “It’s all sh!ts and giggles until someone giggles and sh!ts”?
It’s all sharts and giggles until someone giggles and sharts… and then it’s effing hilarious.
The kind of hilarious that makes you gag-laugh and feel like you did a Tony Horton ab work out.
If you have a hilarious shart story of your own or have heard one, you can submit it here. It’s totally anonymous. Unless you don’t want it to be. There is a place to leave a name and an email address but neither are required to submit the form, just type up the story and submit.
If this isn’t funny to you and you find this totally obscene, then… scram. Sharting is the universal equalizer. Just accept it and giggle.
I look forward to tons of shart pouring into my inbox.